Herstory Check

Slivered eyes my

way, my walk watched and

weighted, always on a scale of thumbs.

And I cease to be myself again,

surfeited definitions like bent hands on Salvador's clock.

All you cocks figure it out,

I'll be in my vagina bubble awkwardly predicting each one of you

onto the colored lights by name

--but let me make clear:

my legs are not spread to your mock or like or silence

--toys and go home

I AM YOUR FATHER

and I dance in your brined uncertainty at everything.

Only my friends bring me to parties anymore.

Angels of The Silences (acoustic)

I started this journal because I've had a rough life and some ugly things have happened. Somewhere along the way, the weight added up. I lost my ability to Be Easy. Lost my Joy. Lately I find it difficult to smile or have normal conversations.

My mind has been damaged by the difficulties of life, my body worn from carrying baggage 7/24. But I also see friends and community that have seen similar experiences and have so much freedom! As a father, I feel a responsibility to choose health so that my child has a loving chance in this world. But this must be engaged with carefully--there's a lot of work ahead.

I've never trusted authority, so god/religions don't really help me--which means the only 12-Steps I'm into involve country music. Therapists take a lot of work to trust... and friends? Well, codependency sucks. That means I have a lot of work to do on my own time and terms.

This blog is to stand as a document of my journey to healing. Sometimes it'll be entertaining. Sometimes it'll be frightening. Sometimes it will be boring. But in the end, I'll be Alive.